I have a presentation to do tomorrow at 11.15am. It lasts for half an hour and it's supposed to be about a script that I haven't finished yet. That could be a problem. So instead of doing the wise thing and write the script, I thought I would enhance my portfolio for my Industry Contexts module again! That's because this module is just so damn important. Yep. It's so important they tacked it on in the final months of our course, seemingly at random. They could have prepared us for the industry last year, or in January where we were in pre-production and had one deadline for a little essay. But NO. They chose the academic equivalent of a child playing 'pin the tail on the donkey' and jamming it in the donkey's eye.
Pictured: BA (Hons) Film & Moving Image Production
This is my fault though. Really. I'm just writing this blog because I can't focus on my script, so fair play on that one. That said, I am actually very confident in my script! Seriously! Look, I'll post some extracts from it now so you can see how fuck-awesome I am.
______Extract 1______
INT. NATALIE'S CAR. DAY.
BARAK OBAMA (O.S.)
What the hell are you on about?
Natalie shouts through the passenger window.
NATALIE
Ignore him! Sorry! He’s delusional!
BARAK OBAMA (O.S.)
He’s a knob!
Natalie rolls the window up. Luke smirks.
NATALIE
You idiot! Luke he was ready to punch you!
LUKE
No one punches the Head of Ethnic Relations in Northern Ireland.
______________
Ya see? DO YA SEE WHAT I MEAN? I am writing genius shit like this and then apparently I have to worry about a getting a job after? Ha! I wouldn't be surprised if Harvey Weinstein rings me up and offers me a job in five minutes.
_____Extract 2_____
EXT. PARTY HOUSE. NIGHT.
On his knees, David looks up at Luke towering over him.
LUKE (CONT’D)
Doors are closed, David.
DAVID
Yeah? Well I haven’t ordered a taxi-
BOOM!
David’s brains explode through his face.
The barrel of a smoking gun, Natalie blows the smoke away.
NATALIE
Never get too shit-faced.
__________________
Fuck yeah! Look at that! It's got action movie lines, fucking BRAINS fucking exploding through fucking FACES! Man, I might as well retire now.
_____Extract 3_____
EXT. BUS DEPOT. NIGHT.
Kieran’s jaw is open. Stunned.
HOMELESS MAN #2
Hmph. Well as I was saying, personally I think it’s an issue of politics and not economics.
HOMELESS MAN #1
But the two are so exquisitely entwined. Let me explain.
SHANNON
Here! What are you talking about?
HOMELESS MAN #1
(Sigh)
We’re discussing whether or not the Libyan civil war is an issue of politics or economics. I propose the West is interested in purely monetary concerns while my friend here thinks otherwise.
SHANNON
These issues are never black and white. There’s always a grey area.
_____________
Yeah. You read that right. POLITICS ALL UP IN THIS BITCH. You have action, you have kickassery, but then you also have the wider issues. You see, I am a writer. I want to say something with my art. Every time a punch is thrown or a one liner is said, I'm actually referencing some conflict in the Middle East or somewhere else poor.
In case you're wondering; yes. Those are real excerpts from my script. It all makes sense in context, however. I swear. This is the 2nd draft and a good five drafts away from anything I would deem close to complete, but it's a start!
Conor
P.S. Tomorrow I will review 'Enchanted April'.
This is cracking stuff, just got caught up on the posts. By all rights, as your good friend, I should tell you you're gay and have no future writing, (that's how it works right?), but this is genuinely very good stuff!
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